3 Comments

  1. Laura krantz

    This is a dilemma I have faced myself in years gone by. It has been a very difficult decision to make and the choices that I made have meant that I share a surname with only one of my three children. Unfortunately it’s even more complicated as the first two changed their names from their fathers names to my maiden name. At that point neither of them shared a name with me or each other! So when I married and keeping my maiden name was not really an option for my husband (or myself, as I want to belong to him after years of being and feeling very alone), changing my children’s names who have already been changed once was even more difficult. My 9 year old has asked if she can share my new surname, but it’s more complicated than just saying “oh yes, let’s get the paperwork this week”. Other parties need to be involved and on board, which they won’t be, so we have dissuaded her and she keeps my maiden name. Luckily my eldest is happy to keep my maiden name and is proud to be continuing that name. Maybe when Rory gets older, he will be able to think he’s carrying on the family name of his father and see the positives of that, or just come to accept that’s it’s just a name and it doesn’t matter. I would like to think all my children feel equally loved by rob and I no matter what their surname is and our “blended family” are all accepted as part of us now and into the future, when we will continue to love and support them as adults in the big wide world xxx

  2. Rachel Atherton

    Hi Hayley

    I’m in a family of 5, 2 step sons and a daughter of my own. All 3 kids and my partner have the same surname apart from me!! I feel Rory’s pain – sometime my eldest step sons says things like “Tuckley’s days out” or ” Tuckley’s on holiday” he speaks to his little sister, and tells her that she, like he, are Tuckley’s and that means they are family.
    Whilst this equally makes me beam with pride as he loves his little sister loads, but actually I am not part of that family. Or am I being over sensitive.

    In all truthfulness, my passport expires next year and I have considered changing my name to Tuckley, this was mainly so I didn’t receive judgement when my daughter started school.

    In all fairness it doesn’t bother me how the eldest defines his family, but not having the same name as daughter does. I asked for this to be double barrelled when she was born but my partner had a really issue with this, and to be fair I wasn’t overly keen on a long name.

    How was dealing with Rory’s school for you?

    Rach

    • Hayley Begner

      Hi lovely thanks for reading and commenting. I think in terms of school your kid can be called whatever you want them to it just wouldn’t be ‘legal’. However Rory’s dad would definately cause grief with this too. For now I think at least I have asked him and broached the subject and when Rory’s older maybe he’ll decide himself? But yeah it sucks. I also have the same from J who isn’t keen on having hug double barrelled so will prob change when u change my name xxx

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